My Three Days in North Korea (part 2)
“The World’s Worst Airline….Then We Went Bowling.”
In April 2016, I spent three days in the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK), more commonly known in the west as North Korea. Here’s part 2 of my experience.
As our group of 100 foreigners lined up to board the 2-hour flight from Beijing to Pyongyang, we all exchanged nervous glances.
All in all, there were 1200 of us who would make the trek to Pyongyang for the marathon, which is as many foreigners who enter the DPRK the entire year…combined. And because the official airline to North Korea, Air Koryo, is consistently rated the “World’s Worst Airline”, we were a little jittery as the plane took off.
As we reached cruising altitude we were treated to the “in-flight entertainment.” This is where you truly understand the indoctrination. Video after video showed people singing songs in tribute to their great chairman, Kim Jong Un. There were kids playing accordions with creepy smiles. Adults sang worship songs with creepy smiles. And all the flight attendants greeted us with the same creepy smiles. Fortunately, I hadn’t seen the pilot when I boarded or I’d have really been worried.
Then come the moment we all had been waiting for – the in-flight meal.
I had done my research and learned that we would be served a “burger” for lunch. There were many pictures posted of this “burger”, and many theories about where the “meat” comes from. I mean, if there’s not enough meat for the 25 million people, why would they waste the precious commodity on a group of imperialist foreigners?
The “burger” came and I took a bite. Not good.
“Is this thing gluten free?”, asked someone behind me. We all laughed out loud.
We began our descent and as we touched down, an oxygen mask cover fell off the ceiling and into the aisle, leaving a large part of the ceiling exposed – we could look up and see the inside of the plane through the hole. As responsible global citizens, our group knew exactly what we should do.
We all took out our cameras and started taking pictures.
Suddenly, a male flight attendant burst into the cabin and demanded our phones. We had to unlock them so he could go through and delete the pictures of the plane mishap. This pretty much set the tone for the rest of the trip.
As we taxied to the terminal and collected our bags, I was actually a little impressed. The airport was actually pretty nice and new. But then there was customs…
Imagine being given a body cavity search, but fully clothed. This is what North Korean customs is like. They make the US airport security look like Massage Envy.
The North Korean TSA split us into 8 lines and asked us to empty all our belongings onto these long, stainless steel tables. I’m talking medicine, underwear, everything. It was embarrassing.
I dumped everything out of my bag for inspection.
“Any movies?”, they asked as they began clicking through my laptop. “The Dictator” had just been released (and if you remember, the furious North Korean regime had retaliated by hacking into SONY.)
“No”, I replied.
It’s important to mention that North Korea goes to great lengths to keep EVERYTHING and ANYTHING foreign out of the country. Curiosity can quickly get you killed.
For example, all TVs must be registered by the government and programmed to only one channel, which glorifies the “Worker’s Party” regime day and night. Tampering with the TV can get you sent to a gulag.
Merely possessing a short-wave radio, which can sometimes pick up a signal from China, can get you sent to a gulag.
Occasionally, volunteers in South Korea will send small laptops and flash drives tethered to balloons and hope the wind blows them north across the border. There have been reports of North Koreans discovering episodes of “Friends”, in utter disbelief that life can be so luxurious in the outside world. Watching “Friends” can get you sent to a gulag.
OK, maybe I wouldn’t argue so much with that one.
But I stood there as they looked through every single piece of paper in my carry-on, confiscating all the pamphlets about North Korea I received by the tour company. These documents actually gave tips on how to best behave in the hermit kingdom. How ironic.
***
As we boarded our charter bus to take us God-knows-where, our tour guide announced proudly, “Welcome to North Korea! For our first stop, you will experience something that all young people do in our beautiful country.”
We went bowling.
No joke - they actually took us to a bowling alley. It had the same tired, musty, I-don’t-know-if-these-shoes-have-been-disinfected feeling of an American version. There were a handful of people “bowling”, but I think they were staged to make it look like people actually had the time, money and free will for a hobby.
Our small group of 16 foreigners awkwardly introduced ourselves (as we set up the overhead computer scoring system) and off we went. After all, there’s no better marathon-preparation activity than lifting a heavy, imbalanced weight and propelling it forward with all your might.
***
After a couple games (and endless comments to each other under our breath), they rounded us up and took us to our palace, the Yanggakdo Hotel. We had seen this place on TV and were all a little terrified.
A few months before our trip, this hotel made international headlines as a crime scene. Apparently, Otto Warmbier, an American college student on a similar tour in Pyongyang, had tried to take a banner off the wall in his hallway.
Before he could board his flight home, the North Koreans detained him. They prosecuted him and accused him of “spying in an attempt to bring down the regime.” Otto had just been sentenced to 15 years of hard labor.
We all agreed not to touch anything on the walls. But we couldn’t help but hatch a plan to explore the 5th floor, which was shrouded in mystery. The elevators do not stop there, and the only way to reach it was by staircase. We tried to go to the 4th floor but the button wouldn’t light up. The 6th floor was almost completely dark. And the stairwell was locked.
“I don’t feel like doing 15 years in a gulag. Let’s head to our rooms.”
In the next post, you’ll discover that according to North Korean history, the Americans never dropped an atomic bomb. You’ll never believe the “museums” they took us to visit.
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